Robinj
2012-04-03, 2:04pm
Excerpt from the online blog "Heavenly Lemonade"
Since her death, I’ve been putting various cards, photos, etc. into the box, but I haven’t had the courage to go through the box until tonight. I began thumbing through the contents and starting pinning them inside her shadowbox. Several treasured items in particular brought back the sting of bittersweet memories.
The first little mementos I found were her birthday sign, the “big brother” wristbands the boys wore to visit their sister, and my wristband that says “female.” Egleston never did put Stella’s name on my wristband or any other card like they they usually do. She was just listed as “baby girl Eber.”
The second things I found were the beaded heart and dried rose from her funeral.
Then I began looking through the ultrasound photos. I found my favorite one, a 4D photo that was taken when I was 30 weeks pregnant. Stella was happily sucking on her hand, acting like a normal baby. This photo is so sweet. I looked through a few more ultrasound photos, and then I found one I don’t even remember the perinatologist having taken. It was from October 1st, my last appointment, when the doctor told me I would meet Stella in three days time, on that Monday. A beautiful profile of my 4-pound little girl. A choking feeling in the back of my throat.
The last thing I happened upon that I pinned in her shadowbox tonight was the one that hit me the hardest. It’s a little butterfly bead that was sent by the hospital as Stella’s last bead of hope. During the only week of her life, when Stella was at Egleston, she had a string of beads hanging from her isolet. For every procedure, test, blood transfusion, etc…for every challenge Stella faced, the nurses strung a new bead on her “beads of hope.” When she died, we brought her beads home with us. I have not yet been able to look at the beads. But, tonight, I found the butterfly bead, and I hung it up.
263617
Stella's Butterfly Bead
The card that came with the butterfly says, “Butterflies throughout time have brought much hope to those who are griveing. We hope in some small way the butterfly bead may help to bring you hope and peace.” - With Love From Beads of Courage
When I asked Mike to find the rest of the beads for me so I can hang them up too, he told me something about the day Stella died that I had totally forgotten. He said that I was wearing her beads on the way home. Her beads of courage. Ironically, I do remember feeling very courageous the day I said goodbye to my daugther – held up by the prayers of those who love us. But wow, how I miss my baby girl.
...
Since her death, I’ve been putting various cards, photos, etc. into the box, but I haven’t had the courage to go through the box until tonight. I began thumbing through the contents and starting pinning them inside her shadowbox. Several treasured items in particular brought back the sting of bittersweet memories.
The first little mementos I found were her birthday sign, the “big brother” wristbands the boys wore to visit their sister, and my wristband that says “female.” Egleston never did put Stella’s name on my wristband or any other card like they they usually do. She was just listed as “baby girl Eber.”
The second things I found were the beaded heart and dried rose from her funeral.
Then I began looking through the ultrasound photos. I found my favorite one, a 4D photo that was taken when I was 30 weeks pregnant. Stella was happily sucking on her hand, acting like a normal baby. This photo is so sweet. I looked through a few more ultrasound photos, and then I found one I don’t even remember the perinatologist having taken. It was from October 1st, my last appointment, when the doctor told me I would meet Stella in three days time, on that Monday. A beautiful profile of my 4-pound little girl. A choking feeling in the back of my throat.
The last thing I happened upon that I pinned in her shadowbox tonight was the one that hit me the hardest. It’s a little butterfly bead that was sent by the hospital as Stella’s last bead of hope. During the only week of her life, when Stella was at Egleston, she had a string of beads hanging from her isolet. For every procedure, test, blood transfusion, etc…for every challenge Stella faced, the nurses strung a new bead on her “beads of hope.” When she died, we brought her beads home with us. I have not yet been able to look at the beads. But, tonight, I found the butterfly bead, and I hung it up.
263617
Stella's Butterfly Bead
The card that came with the butterfly says, “Butterflies throughout time have brought much hope to those who are griveing. We hope in some small way the butterfly bead may help to bring you hope and peace.” - With Love From Beads of Courage
When I asked Mike to find the rest of the beads for me so I can hang them up too, he told me something about the day Stella died that I had totally forgotten. He said that I was wearing her beads on the way home. Her beads of courage. Ironically, I do remember feeling very courageous the day I said goodbye to my daugther – held up by the prayers of those who love us. But wow, how I miss my baby girl.
...